President Obama spoke for 90 minutes with President Putin on Saturday about the situation in Ukraine.
Parsifal, March 2, 2014
The conversation was leaked to me exclusively.
As you may imagine, this talk was not about the exchange of recipes.
Here's the transcript:
Obama: Hello, there, President Putin? Here is the President of the United States of America
Putin: Yes, here is the President of the Russian Federation.
Obama: Listen Vladimir, I do not like it that you sent troops to the Crimea.
I urge you to withdraw the military.
If you do not do as I say, then I will not take part in the G8 summit in Sochi in June.
Also, I impose a political and economic embargo on Russia.
Putin: Dear Barack, or should I call you Barry? What is your name exactly, Barack Obama, or Barry Soetero?
It really does not matter.
Your CIA has again misinformed you.
I only got permission from the Parliament, if necessary, to send our soldiers when Russian citizens and interests are at stake.
Decided I have not yet.
Obama: Yes, but also our media CNN, ABC, CBS, NBC report that and say that Crimea is occupied by Russian soldiers.
Putin: Well, that's what happens when you believe your own media propaganda of lies and its horny war hysteria.
None of this is true.
There are no recent Russian soldiers in the Crimea or else in Ukraine.
But I can dispatch some if the life and health of Russian citizens should be at risk there. Therefore, hold back your rabid dogs in Kiev.
It is up to you, they are your problem, and you have brought them to power.
Obama: What do you mean rabid dogs here? These are flawless democrats.
Putin: So please, these are Nazis with thugs who have overthrown by force, incendiary bombs and weapons the legal government.
But ask your Victoria Nulan, she knows this all best as you have prepared with USD 5 billion this upset.
How could you ever support fascists, racists and terrorists?
How can you recognize this regime as a legitimate government of the Ukraine?
Obama: But it comes to the territorial integrity of Ukraine and I am strongly opposed to any intervention by Russian soldiers in the sovereign state of Ukraine.
You want to give me lessons about territorial integrity and sovereignty of states?
This is surely a joke.
In how many countries America has already intervened, invaded by soldiers and violates the sovereignty?
Should I list them all?
What about the invasion of Cuba?
Or the war in Vietnam, or the invasion of Panama, or the occupation of Granada, the two wars of aggression against Iraq and its occupation, or the intervention in Somalia or the bombing of Libya?
Was there also American citizens to protect?
No, the reason was quite different.
Oh yes, you have already found the weapons of mass destruction in Iraq?
After 12 years still not?
That was the reason for the invasion of Iraq (laughing).
Obama: Now but do not turn away from the current topic.
It's about the Ukraine and since we do not tolerate any interference.
Putin: Who has ever since interfered from the beginning in the Ukraine?
Who has staged the Orange Revolution in 2004?
At that time you did support as a candidate the opposition bloc Viktor Yushchenko.
You have the time financed with government organizations and NGOs and organized, such as by your own 'U.S. State Department' and USAID together with the 'National Democratic Institute', the 'International Republican Institute', the 'Freedom House NGO' and the billionaire George Soros and his 'Open Society Institute'.
Your goal was to expand NATO and your influence in this way.
And it still is.
2010 was chosen as the president of a free and democratic election Viktor Yanukovych.
Now you have discharged him in a coup and hoisted a regime that consists mostly of Nazis to power.
So tell me nohing about interference.
Obama: I see, I can not reason with you.
Anyway, I will not participate in Sochi in June at the G8 summit.
In addition, a military intervention will cost a price.
Putin: Dear Barack, apparently you still don’t get what it’s about for Russia.
We want no quarrel with you.
It is my duty to protect Russian citizens in Ukraine who are at risk before violence.
Those who you have illegally brought to power, have banned the Russian language and make scramble to everything which is Russian.
That is completely unacceptable and breaks international law.
I'll watch no pogrom in neighboring idly.
As president of Russia, it is my duty to protect Russians, no matter where they are.
In addition, my dear, how would you react if built on the square in front of the Capitol in Washington by violent militants barricades, then they penetrate into the surrounding ministries and put them on fire, and mix politicians from Russia under the radicals and with them together would demand your resignation?
Then these militants would also throw fire bombs at your police and shoot them.
Would you then also called it a 'democratic change'?
Your security forces would massively mount up with armored vehicles and arrest the whole gang as terrorists.
So do not tell me what happened in Kiev is lawful and legal.
It is a coup by perpetrators of violence who you have funded and supported.
Then make sure that they behave and do not attack the Russians or Russian institutions.
Then I also have no reason to make my thoughts for order and security in Ukraine.
Only within the last 14 days over 675.000 refugees from the Ukraine fled to Russia.
Why is that?
Say also these Nazis, they shall cease to threaten us, even with nuclear weapons and terrorist attacks.
If not, then we will quickly draw the consequences and neither you nor anyone can stop us. Because this is about our national security.
Obama: If you do not behave like a civilized country, then we conclude Russia from the G8 group, unplug U.S. companies from Russia, prevent new investment and provide a crash of the ruble.
Putin: You in the West call yourselves civilized?
How is this to understand where you’re constantly attacking countries and bomb into the stone age?
Or with killer drones flying over countries and perfidiously murdered civilians from the air?
This is supposed to be civilized?
What's been the G8?
Only a bla-bla-club which brings nothing.
Pull back your companies when you mean to be able to waive on our huge market.
Is it only to your detriment.
Rather care how your dollar will survive, with the gigantic debt and deficit; the breakdown won’t take not much longer anyway.
Oh, remember, because you’re not even able to send into space your own astronauts that fly along with us you can forget this offer in future.
America remains grounded (laughing).
Obama: Then probably the call is finished. Fuck you!
Putin: I'm always ready to talk but we will not be kidding... No, thank you Barry, I’m heterosexual; Do swidanja!
Since we do not get the original, I came up with the potential dialogue